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Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves

Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves

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The life of Edgin (Chris Pine) is a tale of misfortune and woe, sung in a pleasing tenor.  In the fantasy realm where Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves takes place, he formerly was a member of a peacekeeping group known as the Harpers.  The Harpers worked with the Red Wizards to keep things orderly.  One day, he became disenchanted with his role and turned to thievery.  For reasons I don’t want to divulge here, his wife was killed by Red Wizards.  Edgin turned into a drunk and all-around lousy father, but fortunately for him, a warrior named Holga (Michelle Rodriguez) took pity on him.  She decides to help him raise his daughter Kira (Chloe Coleman) for reasons never really made clear.  The two are not romantically linked, even though that probably would be the case in any other movie they appeared in.  (I also suspect this was done to remain true to the spirit of the D&D game, a favorite of nerds who probably avoid mushy romantic stuff at all costs.)

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A Man Called Otto (2022)

A Man Called Otto (2022)

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Otto (Tom Hanks) is a Grump.  That much is clear from the movie’s opening scene.  First he argues with a sales associate who wants to help him cut the rope he wishes to purchase.  Then he argues with the checkout clerk who says he must pay for two yards of rope when he only needs five feet.  It’s not that Otto can’t afford to pay the extra thirty-odd cents, he doesn’t want to pay for what he doesn’t need.  When the clerk explains that the computer register can only ring him up for a per yard purchase, he asks, “What computer can’t do math?”  Otto’s argument  ultimately amounts to nothing, but he’s the sort of person who’s always ready to argue something on principle.  Even though what he’s arguing about–five feet of rope, is what he intends to use to kill himself.

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The Whale

The Whale

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Sympathy for the Fat Man

Charlie (Brendan Fraser) is a pathetic figure.  How pathetic is he?  Initially, only his voice is heard on a web conference with his students, who see him as a black square.  (He claims that his webcam is broken.)  Immediately afterwards, Charlie is revealed to be a morbidly obese man, sitting alone in a drab apartment, masturbating to a pornographic video on his laptop.  The activity is too strenuous for him, and he starts coughing violently.  He grabs a printed essay from an end table and tries to read it, but cannot because he is having trouble breathing.  (As you may have guessed, The Whale is a love it or hate it experience.)

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Wednesday (Netflix, 2022)

Wednesday (2022, Netflix)

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Wednesday Addams (Jenna Ortega) is no average teenage girl.  With her pallid complexion, black attire, matching pigtails and a personality overflowing with misanthropy, she’s every parent’s nightmare, except for Morticia and Gomez.  They love their little viper, storm cloud, etc. and would do anything for her, including keeping her out of trouble when she exacts revenge on her brother Pugsley’s high school tormentors.  When Morticia confronts her with the possibility of having attempted murder on her record, Wednesday replies, “Terrible.  Everyone would know I failed to get the job done.”  If you love droll humor, Wednesday (character and series) has plenty more where that’s coming.

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Emily the Criminal

Emily the Criminal

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To paraphrase the late Charles Bukowski, nobody suffers like the working poor.  Emily (Aubrey Plaza), the eponymous character of Emily the Criminal, is a perfect example of that truism.  She works for a food delivery service, making just enough to afford her car and room in someone else’s apartment.  Emily is a heads-down, hard-working type, and needs a better-paying job to do more than exist.  Unfortunately, an old felony conviction for aggravated assault keeps her shackled in place.  That incident ended her college career and left her on the hook for $70k in student loans.  Basically, Emily is trapped.  She can’t get an office job because of the felony on her record, and without a better paying job she can’t pay off her debt.

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Severance – Season One (Apple TV)

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In a future that’s closer than you think, a company called Lumon Industries has invented a technology known as “severance”.  Enabled by a chip that is inserted into the brain, it effectively severs your mind into two selves, referred to whimsically as “innie” and “outie”.  Your “innie” is who you become when you’re working on Lumon’s “severed floor”.  That self has no awareness of who you are outside of work, but it does remember everything else you’ve learned (how to walk, talk, eat, etc.)  When you leave work, you transition back into your “outie”, who has no knowledge of what transpired during the day.  Think of it as compartmentalization on steroids.  If this technology had been invented by Apple, I’m confident they would have called something catchy like “iDissociate”.

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Lyle, Lyle Crocodile

Lyle, Lyle Crocodile

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What would you do if you stumbled upon a crocodile who could dance and sing? If you’re hapless magician Hector P. Valenti (Javier Bardem), you would make it the centerpiece of a song-and-dance act. Lyle definitely has the singing and dancing chops to be a star, but he suffers from paralyzing stage fright. Before you can say Michigan J. Frog, the act flops on opening night. Having used his home as collateral, Valenti goes on the road to pay off his debts, leaving Lyle a first generation iPod to keep himself company.

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See How They Run

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In 1950s London, Angela Christie’s Mousetrap has just completed its one hundredth performance.  American director Leo Köpernick (Adrien Brody) is in town ostensibly to hash out a screenplay with Mervyn Cocker-Norris (David Oyelowo), but the two cannot agree on how to turn the stage production into a movie.  At the afterparty, Köpernick hits on the lead actress (Pearl Chanda), implying that she can get the lead role in his movie for…favors.  This naturally upsets her lead actor and husband (Harris Dickinson).  After a fight, Köpernick is attacked and killed backstage.  Constable Stalker (Saoirse Ronan) and Inspector Stoppard (Sam Rockwell) are put on the case, and together they unravel just how many people had a reason to kill Köpernick.  It’s a classic whodunnit, but like Christie’s stories, the murderer may surprise you.

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